Current:Home > MyBenjamin Ashford|Selena Gomez reveals she can't carry a baby. It's a unique kind of grief. -Ascend Finance Compass
Benjamin Ashford|Selena Gomez reveals she can't carry a baby. It's a unique kind of grief.
Burley Garcia View
Date:2025-04-09 19:20:38
Selena Gomez has revealed she's unable to carry a child due to medical reasons − an experience that can Benjamin Ashfordcause deep grief our society often overlooks.
“I haven’t ever said this,” Gomez told Vanity Fair, in a cover story published online Monday, “but I unfortunately can’t carry my own children. I have a lot of medical issues that would put my life and the baby’s in jeopardy. That was something I had to grieve for a while.”
The 32-year-old star of "Only Murders in the Building" said she still plans on becoming a mom one day. It's just not going to happen "necessarily the way I envisioned it," she added.
“I thought it would happen the way it happens for everyone," she said. "I’m in a much better place with that. I find it a blessing that there are wonderful people willing to do surrogacy or adoption, which are both huge possibilities for me. It made me really thankful for the other outlets for people who are dying to be moms. I’m one of those people. I’m excited for what that journey will look like, but it’ll look a little different. At the end of the day, I don’t care. It’ll be mine. It’ll be my baby.”
Mourning getting pregnant is a valid grief
Grief experts previously told USA TODAY that women who discover they can't get pregnant often mourn what they thought bringing a child into the world would look like for them. Though it isn't the same as grieving the death of a loved one, it's a painful experience nonetheless.
"There's this hierarchy around what grief deserves to get mourned or get honored," said Loree Johnson, a licensed marriage and family therapist, adding all forms of grief are valid.
Susan Youngsteadt, a social worker in Raleigh, North Carolina, previously opened up to USA TODAY about her experience discovering she carries a hereditary gene for breast cancer at the age of 25. As a result, she made the decision not to have biological children.
While she said she has a loving partner who is also OK with not having children, "that is something that I actively seek therapeutic support around and a community around of choosing to be childless. And some of that choice is due to my health, it is due to the risks that exist in my family system with both of my parents having a cancer diagnosis."
More:At 25 she found out she had the breast cancer gene. Now, she's grieving motherhood.
As with all forms of grief, Youngsteadt said some days are better than others.
"Sometimes it's hard to separate (the different grief experiences)," she said. "But I think something we tell people to do clinically and therapeutically is that you have to hold space for each one and take all the time you need to cry or have a ritual or seek support around each thing and let it run its own course. And then you can pick up the next thing."
Coping with grief
When it comes to grief, psychotherapist and podcast host Amy Morin previously told USA TODAY talking could be beneficial, but not all talk will be helpful.
"When someone is grieving another type of loss, like the loss of hope after learning they can't have a child, the information might be kept private," she said. "Other people may also minimize the impact of a loss. That can slow the healing process."
My dog died two months ago.Pet loss causes deep grief that our society ignores.
Grief slithers into our lives at inconvenient times. It leaves us uncomfortable and unwilling to discuss it.
"People get worried that it might be contagious," David Kessler, grief expert and founder of Grief.com, previously told USA TODAY. "Like, if I hear too much about your parent dying, it doesn't mean my parent's dying soon. Is it?"
More:Selena Gomez's revealing documentary gave her freedom: 'There wasn't any hiding anymore'
Grief wasn't something Youngsteadt ever planned on. No one does.
But "the older I get, and the more grief has touched my life, I think that's where I need to be," she said. "And I think that's where I need to immerse myself. It's where I feel the most aligned. It's where I feel – it's weird to say comfortable – but it's where I really feel like that's where I'm supposed to be."
Contributing: David Oliver
veryGood! (293)
Related
- North Carolina justices rule for restaurants in COVID
- Wu-Tang Clan members open up about the group as they mark 30 years since debut album
- Police in Greece arrest father, son and confiscate tons of sunflower oil passed off as olive oil
- Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds' Trainer Wants You to Eat More This Holiday Season—You Know You Love It
- Brianna LaPaglia Reveals The Meaning Behind Her "Chickenfry" Nickname
- Kiss performs its final concert. But has the band truly reached the 'End of the Road'?
- Alabama woman pleads guilty in 2019 baseball bat beating death of man found in a barrel
- Thousands of climate change activists hold boisterous protest march in Brussels with serious message
- What to know about Tuesday’s US House primaries to replace Matt Gaetz and Mike Waltz
- Militants open fire at a bus in northern Pakistan, killing 9 people including 2 soldiers
Ranking
- Working Well: When holidays present rude customers, taking breaks and the high road preserve peace
- Why Ian Somerhalder, Josh Hartnett and More Stars Have Left Hollywood Behind
- 7 suspected illegal miners dead, more than 20 others missing in landslide in Zambia
- 'Christmas tree syndrome' is real. Here's how to avoid it this holiday season.
- Civic engagement nonprofits say democracy needs support in between big elections. Do funders agree?
- Kyiv says Russian forces shot surrendering Ukrainian soldiers. If confirmed, it would be a war crime
- Guinea-Bissau’s leader calls a shootout an attempted coup, heightening tensions in West Africa
- Down goes No. 1: Northwestern upsets top-ranked Purdue once again
Recommendation
Chuck Scarborough signs off: Hoda Kotb, Al Roker tribute legendary New York anchor
France and Philippines eye a security pact to allow joint military combat exercises
Olivia Rodrigo performs new 'Hunger Games' song at Jingle Ball 2023, more highlights
Israel, Hamas reach deal to extend Gaza cease-fire for seventh day despite violence in Jerusalem, West Bank
What do we know about the mysterious drones reported flying over New Jersey?
Israel says more hostages released by Hamas as temporary cease-fire holds for 7th day
Assailant targeting passersby in Paris attacked and killed 1 person and injured another
Pope Francis says he’s doing better but again skips his window appearance facing St. Peter’s Square